Last night I had a dream where I was walking along with a book about Dracula, and I didn’t notice that coming the other way was Grover from Sesame Street holding a book about Sherlock Holmes. (Don’t look at me like that. Grover may be the star of a childrens TV show, but he’s still a monster and a good friend of mine.) We crashed together and my book about Dracula fell into his book about Sherlock Holmes and BAM! They became a book about Sherlock Holmes and Dracula. All in one book! Two great flavors that taste great together? Maybe not.
OK. OK. The part about the dream I made up, but Grover IS a good pal of mine. And there is a book in Titan’s “Further Adventures of Sherlock Holmes” series that features Dracula, Holmes and Watson. In Seance for a Vampire by Fred Saberhagen we find them investigating the case of a dead heiress who makes an appearance in a seance held by some suspicious spiritualists. The book further posits that Dracula and Holmes are cousins and this is what caused Holmes to have such a nightmarish childhood (?).
I have to say that when I found out about the book, I was interested. I mean, there’s Sherlock Holmes and Dracula, and that means there is going to be vampirism and a nice staking scene probably. And then there is going to be a seance, so there’s going to be some table-rapping and fake ectoplasm coming out of people’s noses and from behind their ears. Probably some sex. And blood. And Sherlock Holmes and mayhem in London. People getting knocked out. Yeah. And Sherlock will pull out his chemistry set and pick locks and create image transfers with sulfur dioxide and discover ape hair jammed in windows and shit like that.
Here is where I use my handy vampire classification for this book.
- Good Looking: Yes
- Superhuman strength: Yes
- Changeling: Yes
- Sparkles: No
- Erotic neck biting: Off-camera only (sigh).
- Drink blood: Yes
- Can turn victims into more vampires: Yes
- Must be killed by decapitation or stake through the heart: Yes
- Reflection in mirrors: No
- Scared of crosses and/or garlic: Not sure
- Burn in sunlight: Yes
- Goth nightclub visit: No
- Mind control: Yes
Ah! I love classifying vampires.
The book looks very promising at the start. We are introduced to a hot Eastern European female vampire who is watching a public hanging of a pirate. She is watching this and simultaneously having a mysterious conversation with a rich merchant, who is obviously crooked. I was thinking to myself “Aw yeah. Here we go.” Then the author kills both characters off. Later in the book everything slows to a crawl and it becomes strictly snoresville.
While there is some sex, it’s mostly talked about abstractly and after the fact. Dracula puts the bite on one of the fraudulent spiritualists, but we are only told that it’s happening. No juicy details. No hungry eyes. No torn bodices. Then there is the rich heiress who has been turned into a vampire. Normally, in a vampire novel, somebody gets staked. And you go: “Yeah! Stake that vampire! Stake her good! I want to see that stake come out the other side of her chest while she shrieks over and over!” Not here. Here they go searching for the vampire heiress, and the first time they find her, they let her escape somehow. Lame. And then the next time they search for her, they find her and discover that SOMEBODY ELSE HAS ALREADY STAKED HER. Then there’s an awesome booby trap set to kill Holmes, but here’s how the scene plays out:
Dracula said, “Wait. There is a diabolical booby trap here.” And then he said. “OK I have disarmed the booby trap.”
“Good thing you saw that.” replied Watson.
Now I can see this book possibly being a treat for somebody who really loves Sherlock Holmes and who wants to experience a Sherlock Holmes book like they were written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Maybe. What I mean is if you are somebody who might be looking for something a turn of the century gentleman might write, then… But I don’t remember the works of Doyle being this dull. Maybe they were and I’ve forgotten. I know that at one time or another I’ve read all of Doyle’s Holmes stories and the memories are fond. And maybe those of you who are fans of the Doyle books would enjoy this one. Maybe.
Creepy Factor: 1 out of 5
Suspense Factor: 1 out of 5
Weird Erotic Tension Factor: 2 out of 5 (For the hot Eastern European vampire at the beginning.)
Funny and/or Strange Factor: 1 out of 5
Final result: I forgot to mention the Rasputin kind of character! There is a Russian mesmerist in this book. You know, the kind who uses his mesmerism and magnetic personality to take advantage of women? Like Rasputin. In this book. And what does he do? He has two very sensible conversations!!! That’s what. It bears mentioning that there are some books in the Further Adventures of Sherlock Holmes that have very positive reviews on Amazon.
Seance for a Vampire by Fred Saberhagen – Titan Books – 2010
Buy Seance for a Vampire at Amazon
Thanks for reading another one of my book reviews, and thanks to Titan Books for the review copy. See you next time!
RSS Feed
