Tag Archive for 'vampire romance novels'

Book Review: Soulless by Gail Carriger

Soulless by Gail CarrigerYes yes this is a Gothic romance novel spoof dressed up like a vampire/werewolf/steampunk alt-reality intrigue adventure novel. And that is what Soulless by Gail Carriger really is. My apologies to the authors who have contacted me in the past to review supernatural romance novels. I’m still not going to be interested in your werewolf romance novel with explicit and sometimes non-consensual sex scenes. Sorry about this in the future as well. At the same time, I do like a good Gothic novel here and there, and when it happens to be delivered with a sharp wit, it’s all the better.

Here’s the set-up: Alexia Tarabotti has no soul (hence the title). She lives in an alt-historical version of Victorian England, and is best described as a youngish spinster with too much nose, too much personality, and maybe a little too much of some other things, including a pair of rotten step-sisters. Soulless begins with Alexia fending off the advances of and then accidentally killing a rogue vampire in a library during a social event. Before too long, handsome werewolf head-of-supernatural-policing-agency (it’s not important) shows up, and sparks fly. It turns out that they already know each other, to their mutual chagrin. Since this is a romance novel, the two spend the rest of the book alternately investigating the mystery of the rogue vampire and annoying the heck out of each other, until BAM!

In this alt-history Victorian England, vampires and werewolves have come out of hiding and live among mortals. Alexia, being a human without a soul, is an even more rare bird, and has the ability to make vampires and werewolves turn mortal by touching them. The mystery of the book arises because nobody can figure out where the vampire that Alexia accidentally dispatched has come from. Further investigation leads to hints of an underground conspiracy as our protagonists discover that vampires and werewolves are disappearing from around England. Before too long, our heroes find themselves in alarmingly dire circumstances. Will they escape from the clutches of the conspirators?

Dear reader, if you haven’t figured out that I like trashy fiction yet, let this be your final clue: I absolutely loved this novel. It has almost everything: Vampires, humor, werewolves, adventure, social scandal, erotic sex scenes, and two main characters that rub each other the wrong way until they rub each other the so-right-how-can-this-be-wrong way. I liked this book so much that I immediately ordered my rat army to acquire the next two in the series, Changeless and Blameless. While it isn’t exactly as awesome as the first novel, Changeless was definitely worth reading. Let’s see the numbers:

Creepy Factor: 4 out of 5
Suspense Factor: 3 out of 5
Weird Erotic Tension Factor: 4 out of 5
Funny and/or Strange Factor: 5 out of 5

Final result: Who would have guessed that a book about a woman lacking a soul would be so entertaining? It is worth mentioning that, yes, while this book is basically a Gothic romance novel with vampires and werewolves, the genre is bent enough, and the humor is lively enough that Soulless should find itself appreciated by a larger audience. It should be noted that there is a fourth installment of this series, Heartless coming early this summer.

Soulless by Gail CarrigerOrbit2009
Buy Soulless on Amazon today. Today!!!

Barnabas Collins Won't Die

For those of you who read my review of Barnabas Collins, here is some more of that action. Jonathan Frid as Barnabas Collins. You have to love this.

…and this:

It’s just beautiful.

Book Review: America's Grooviest Ghoul – Barnabas Collins by Marilyn Ross

Barnabas Collins by Marilyn Ross - Book ReviewSomething must have been wrong with my air traffic control system when I found it, because this gothic romance novel flew right in under my radar. I was delighted to find what appeared to be a trashy vampire paperback from the late 1960s and I was totally sure that it was going to be filled with weird erotic tension, and crossed my fingers, hoping that it wouldn’t have a Scooby-Doo ending. I got about twenty pages into it before I realized that it seemed like a romance novel. Panicking, I checked the front cover again, and this time the word “Gothic” jumped out at me. “How did I miss that?” I wondered. “Ah. No matter.” I thought. “Maybe this will be amusing.”

Who is Barnabas Collins?

Barnabas Collins by Marilyn RossAt this point, you may be wondering, “Who is this Barnabas Collins, the vampire America loves to hate?” In short, besides being a 175 year old vampire, Barnabas Collins is a liar, a cheat, a parasite, and a cad. When he is taking advantage of the family maid, his mind is really elsewhere: Planning a later liaison with a loose woman he will meet at a tavern. He is startlingly promiscuous and an evasive cad when confronted with it. He spends most of the rest of his time coddling a broken heart and fawning over any poor crippled young lady who may by chance resemble his one lost love. His lost love, Josette, who threw herself off a cliff when she discovered his curse!

Here’s the set-up: Margaret Collins should be on top of the world. She has married into a wealthy family and runs a bustling household in 1899. Sadly, her workaholic husband is a jerk. Margaret has a beautiful daughter who was born with deformed legs and a weak heart. Still, Margaret perseveres. There is also Luke, a kind-hearted but developmentally challenged boy who is devoted to her daughter. Also on her estate, Collinwood, reside a few maids, including an elderly retired maid who has become part of the family, and who is named “Granny Erstwhile.”

Enter Barnabas Collins, who claims to be the grandson of the original Barnabas of long ago. Of course, since we all know he’s a vampire already, we are aware of the sham, but Margaret has to learn the hard way. Barnabas rents the family’s smaller original house, which exists on the grounds of Collinwood. Margaret secretly falls in love with Barnabas while he does the following:

  • Lies to her all the time, even after she discovers his horrible secret.
  • Vampirizes her crippled daughter.
  • Murders Granny Erstwhile (who was not fooled for a minute and tried to warn everyone.)
  • Vampirizes and eventually throttles Patience, one of the maids.
  • Is responsible for the death of poor Luke at the hands of the local Sheriff.
  • Vampirizes Margaret’s best friend, a widow who runs an orphanage.
  • Adopts a sad but beautiful and innocent orphan with the intent of making her his child bride.
  • Makes regular appointments with all the loose women in town.
  • Unleashes Hare, his violent, unkempt, mean-tempered, perpetually drunk and disheveled butler, on the grounds of Collinwood and all who come too near.
  • Sends Hare on unspeakable errands in the Collinwood graveyard.

Margaret eventually discovers his secret and a truce is forged. Margaret’s daughter, Greta, has had another attack and doesn’t have long to live. Greta has fallen under the spell of Barnabas and Barnabas fawns over her (because of her resemblance to Josette.) When confronted by Margaret, Barnabas threatens to withdraw his loving attention from Greta, which may lead to her immediate death. Margaret relents, but we know she’s secretly in love with Barnabas.

He linked his cane over the chair back and took her gently by the arms, his deep-set black eyes drilling into her. “Do you not realize you are the kind of woman I could love if things were not as they are?” he asked in a taut voice. “You have beauty, strength of character and a kind heart. Virtues I admire greatly.”

Margaret tried to avoid those hypnotic eyes, fearful of his overpowering her with his strong will. She, who had so long been the victim of a loveless marriage, was only too aware of the magnetism of this odd but handsome man. She trembled with the passion his words aroused in her along with the chilling fear she had come to feel for him.

“Please, let me go!” she whispered.

Luckily all is not lost. I’ve already spoiled enough of the novel without revealing the end. In the final analysis, I would rate this near the top of the trashy gothic romances from this era (of which I have read a handful) and was especially happy that it didn’t have a Scooby Doo ending (A Scooby-Doo ending, for the uninitiated, is the kind where the ghost or monster is unmasked in the end, and you find that he was really – for example – the janitor who was haunting the factory to keep people away while he robbed the safe “Until you kids came along and spoiled everything!”)

While researching this book I found that Barnabas Collins is alive and well! There is a movie “in development” that will star Johnny Depp as Barnabas Collins with Tim Burton directing. Barnabas Collins also has his own Wikipedia page. The Dark Shadows TV show has following too, with pages all over. There is the Dark Shadows Wiki, Dark Shadows dot com, Dark Shadows Online, and Collinwood dot net. Here is the IMDB page for the original Dark Shadows TV show. Click here to see my review of the Dark Shadows movie, House of Dark Shadows with Barnabas Collins.

Jonathan Frid as Barnabas Collins.

Jonathan Frid as Barnabas Collins.

Creepy Factor: 2 out of 5
Suspense Factor: 2 out of 5
Weird Erotic Tension Factor: 1 out of 5
Funny and/or Strange Factor: 5 out of 5

Final result: You will not be missing anything if you pass this one over, but I love to hate Barnabas Collins!

Wait! Here is where I use my handy vampire classification system on Carmilla.

  • Good Looking: Yes
  • Superhuman strength: Yes
  • Changeling: Yes
  • Sparkles: No
  • Erotic neck biting: Yes!
  • Drink blood: Yes
  • Can turn victims into more vampires: Yes
  • Must be killed by decapitation or stake through the heart: Yes
  • Reflection in mirrors: No
  • Scared of crosses and/or garlic: No.
  • Burn in sunlight: Yes
  • Goth nightclub visit: No
  • Mind control: Yes

Ah! I love classifying vampires.

Barnabas Collins by Marilyn Ross – Paperback Library – 1968
Barnabas Collins Book and Action Figure on Amazon
Dark Shadows DVDs and gear on Amazon

Thanks for reading another one of my book reviews. Hopefully next time I review a nice juicy horror novel with loads of Weird Erotic Tension. I’m working on it! See you next time!

The flying monkeys let our technician out for a minute and he snuck away into the light of day. Thanks for your patience during this difficult transition.
I ated Tinkerbell.

Fhtagn Spoken Here.

... the attic, a vast raftered length lighted only by small blinking windows in the gable ends, and filled with a massed wreckage of chests, chairs, and spinning-wheels which infinite years of deposit had shrouded and festooned into monstrous and hellish shapes.
The Shunned House
H.P. Lovecraft




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