Tag Archive for 'ultraviolence'

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Book Review: Left Hand of God by Paul Hoffman

The Left Hand of God by Paul HoffmanLet’s talk about orphans and fiction. The Guardian UK recently put together a list called “10 of the Best: Heroes from Children’s Fiction“. A full 4 of them (almost half) are orphans or were abandoned by their parents. Shockingly, this list excludes Harry Potter, an orphan whose franchise has become the tenth largest economy in the world. Here are three books I’ve reviewed on this site whose protagonists are orphans or abandoned children: Green by Jay Lake, Foundling by D.M. Cornish, and Four and Twenty Blackbirds by Cherie Priest. As you can see from these statistics, it’s a good thing that there are evil fairy godmothers, witches who live in candy houses, and diabolical evil wizards to keep these orphans down, because otherwise they would be kicking our butts out of the world.

By now you’ve probably guessed that the protagonist of The Left Hand of God is an orphan or abandoned child. If you’re hip to the standard orphan plot, you’ll be able to guess that the protagonist is “special” somehow, and is more than likely suffering at the hands of some adults. In this case, our hero is fourteen year old Thomas Cale, who has been raised in an appallingly violent environment while being trained to be a soldier by a group of militant religious fanatics.

The world Thomas Cale discovers when he and his friends escape their cruel tutors is very much like an alternative medieval Europe. The book itself is very firmly in the fantasy genre, and I would say is really properly a young adult book. It is also, I should mention, the first in a series.

I thought that the first half of the book was rather interesting, but vague disappointment set in rather quickly after that. There is a mysterious lack of emotional depth in Left Hand of God. All foreshadowing proves to be superfluous. Bad decisions lack consequences. Like many novels being published now, there is almost no sex and plenty of descriptive, explicit violence.

Creepy Factor: 1 out of 5
Suspense Factor: 3 out of 5
Weird Erotic Tension Factor: 0 out of 5
Funny and/or Strange Factor: 1 out of 5

Final result: Because of its choice of subject matter, this book is entering a crowded field, and to me it compares poorly to some others that I named above. If you told me you really liked this book, I would be able to relate. But I thought it wasn’t so hot.

The Left Hand of God by Paul Hoffman – Dutton Adult – 2010
Buy The Left Hand of God now at Amazon

Thanks for reading another one of my book reviews, and thanks to Penguin Books for the review copy. See you next time!

Book Review: Finch by Jeff Vandermeer

If I wasn’t a monster, I would be a detective. Actually, that’s not true. If I wasn’t a monster, I would be a mad scientist. I would be a mad scientist who might have dreams sometimes of being a detective. The mad scientist would emerge from these dreams feeling haunted and maybe sometimes beaten up. The characters who populated his dreams would swim with the fishes, or become wallpaper. The guts of the mad scientist would be twisted up like hamburger. Of course, this is all if I was a mad scientist. What was I talking about?

Finch is a something of a science fiction fantasy book written like a detective novel. The front and back covers bristle with references to noir fiction greats like David Goodis and Raymond Chandler, but it reminds me more of James Elroy. The main character is hyper-masculine in an Elroy way. Finch follows the classic noir trope of the lone righteous man in a pressure cooker. Which is:

  • Our Detective is assigned a seemingly impossible case.
  • Said case stinks of political corruption and/or is an obvious play in a deadly chess game between two or more interested parties.
  • One or more interested parties puts pressure on the detective to:
    1. Solve the case their way, or
    2. Drop the case, or
    3. Join their side.
  • The department chief has questionable motives and is one of the above-mentioned parties.
  • The detective’s sex interest is not to be trusted.
  • The detective is haunted by his past and/or is deeply heartbroken.
  • The detective continues to investigate the case in spite of (or because of):
    1. Escalating threats.
    2. Escalating physical violence.
  • The following occurrences are generally required, but not in any particular order:
    1. The detective is knocked out and wakes up tied to a chair.
    2. The detective’s partner is taken out of action.
    3. The detective is restrained by hoodlums while a gang boss uses him as a punching bag.
    4. The detective is told repeatedly that he is in over his head.
    5. The detective is officially taken off the case, but continues to pursue it.
    6. The detective is pushed too far by one of the interested parties and retaliates in an extravagant manner.
  • In the end, the detective solves case his own way despite opposition. Justice is served and the city/town realigns with the cosmos.
  • The detective wonders, bitterly, if he took the correct action.
  • The detective’s sex interest turns out to be washed up. An interesting moll or frail met during the investigation replaces her.

You can’t tell me that you haven’t already read this story. It doesn’t matter. I’ve read this same story in countless other books, and in the hands of a skilled author, it’s still worth reading. In fact, I had a hard time putting Finch down and read it in two or three days.

Author Jeff Vandermeer fully imagines a dystopian world where fungi have replaced technology, food, weapons, disease, AND drugs. Think about that! Monstrous mushrooms have taken over the city and life has become dire for its inhabitants. Reading it, I was also reminded of Philip K. Dick: The detective is not a detective. There is nobody to trust. The story has nightmarish qualities and the main character struggles to keep a grasp on what is real and what is not. The goings-on are mostly depressing.

It wasn’t until I was about halfway through Finch that I found out that it is the last book in a trilogy. Luckily, it appears that all three novels can stand pretty well alone. Besides wishing that I had a little more information about the creatures called “gray caps,” I don’t think that I was missing much. Of course, maybe I was and don’t know it.

Creepy Factor: 4 out of 5
Suspense Factor: 5 out of 5
Weird Erotic Tension Factor: 2 out of 5 (hmmm. There is sex but not so erotic or weird.)
Funny and/or Strange Factor: 5 out of 5

Final result: You might not be able to tell by my review but I really loved this book. If you’re a fan of dark fantasy, this book will be straight up your alley. Vandermeer has created a compelling world, populated it with interesting characters, and used it to tell an old story in an exciting new way. Finch has been nominated for a Nebula award. (I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that the awesome cover to this book was illustrated by John Coulthart.)

Finch by Jeff Vandermeer- Underland Press2009
Buy Finch now at Amazon

Thanks for reading another one of my book reviews. See you next time!

Book Review: Way of the Barefoot Zombie by Jasper Bark

Way of the Barefoot Zombie by Jasper BarkAh, zombies. How far are we all from being zombies, anyway? I often find myself wondering that very thing when I get a vapid hankering for some meat, or when I find myself mindlessly consuming something. Sometimes I feel dull and listless, or as if someone could hack one of my arms off with an axe and I would just lurch around the room, spraying gore, and wonder what was for lunch. Yes, I am far too familiar with these kinds of feelings. These zombie feelings. They’re all around us. You know: everything in its own season and all that?

So let’s talk. You all know that I’m a monster and that being a monster, I’m like a monster expert? Well, the secret that nobody wants you to know is that while there IS a tooth fairy, there are no lurching, flesh-eating, brains-craving zombies. And no there is no debate in the monster world over whether or not fast-moving zombies are more scary than the slow type. Real zombies are poor horrible victims of Voodoo priests who were driven mad by being buried alive with huge spiders, like the poor guy in Serpent and the Rainbow. This book kind of walks a line between the two.

Enter Way of the Barefoot Zombie by Jaspar Bark. The book bills itself as a satire about capitalism, the rich and powerful, paperback gurus, and zombies. The villain of the novel, Doc Papa, hosts a billionaires club where evil capitalists learn to discard their souls and act like zombies. Our heroes infiltrate this seminar with the goal of freeing the zombies.

I’ve got get one thing off my chest right now. Being someone who has read enough about the history of Haiti to know about Francois Duvalier, I was unable to read a book with a character named Doc Papa without being pissed at the author. Like this bold choice of character names, Barefoot Zombie is naive and heavy-handed. It’s also all over the map. All in one book we have: the pain of growing distant from a parent, rampant consumerism symbolized, a perverted self-help seminar for rich capitalists, the senseless and cruel murdering of environmental activists, poorly aimed teenage angst, anger at step parents, an unfortunate character with Asperger’s, good and evil portrayed as lovers, evil capitalists tearing the aforementioned activists apart with their bare hands, a psychologically-neatly-stitched up necrophiliac (he kissed his mother on the lips, at her WAKE), a guilt-wracked Voodoo priestess, some Voodoo lore, and of course, zombies of the brain-eating kind.

(Wow – how’s that for a movie subtitle? “He kissed his mother on the lips – at her WAKE!” I like it.)

What was I saying? Oh yes. I think the book needed some focus. Barefoot Zombie lurches in the direction of being a slasher novel, then veers off into teenage angst, then over to political relevance, and back to gore island, but ends up being a coming-of-age story. I was able to make peace with the book when I turned off my brain and enjoyed it as trashy zombie fiction. This book is trashy zombie fiction. If you’re looking to read a piece of trashy zombie fiction with a lot of exposed brains and intestines and people getting their eyeballs popped out, you can’t go too far off the mark with Way of the Barefoot Zombie.

Yes one thing that Barefoot Zombie definitely succeeds at is over-the-top gore. The body count is high, and we have a real contender for the “worst possible way to die” of the year. Thus we’ve bumped up the Creepy Factor.

Creepy Factor: 3 out of 5
Suspense Factor: 3 out of 5
Weird Erotic Tension Factor: 0 out of 5
Funny and/or Strange Factor: 2 out of 5

Final result: Trashy zombie fiction from a publisher who appears to be serious about finding new authors and publishing outrageous horror fiction. While it is a very imaginative book, I was left wanting more focus. Recommended for die-hard fans of Zombies and Voodoo who are looking for a trashy read with plenty of gore.

Way of the Barefoot Zombie by Jasper Bark – Abaddon Books – 2009
Way of the Barefoot Zombie on Amazon
Everything Zombie on Amazon

Many thanks to Abaddon Books for sending me this book to review. (See my disclosure policy.) Thanks for reading another one of my book reviews. Hopefully next time I review a nice juicy horror novel with loads of Weird Erotic Tension. I’m working on it! See you next time!

Monster Alphabet: M is for Mermaid 2

Mermaid Chalk Drawing

As you can see from this found chalk drawing, mermaids are deeply ingrained in the human psyche. Some might say that mermaids are merely the mythologized representation of an attractive young lady who ensnares the adventurous young man with her charms but then turns out to be a monster (or worse) and “devours” him. Or something. But we know better!

Here she is seen wearing opera gloves and making shadow hand puppets. I’m shocked to find this in a child’s drawing because shadow puppetry is one of the favorite pastimes of mermaids and humans are unaware of it. Mostly because mermaids tend to be fatal to them.

Contrary to much popular thought on the matter, there are no mermen.

Being a monster, I am immune to the siren song of the mermaid. To those of us unaffected by its magic, mermaid singing sounds like a school bus full of children being fed through a giant wood chipper: All rending steel and blaring, off-pitched nonsense vocalizing as if from a hundred mouths. Look back at the picture and imagine that.

This is M is for Mermaid number 2. Click here for M is for Mermaid number 1. More Monster Alphabet.

Horror Book Review: The New Weird Anthology

The New Weird edited by Ann and Jeff VanderMeer Although I love collections of short stories by a single author, anthologies always seem to disappoint me somehow. The good stories are too short and the bad ones are too long. The last anthology I really enjoyed was the Granta anthology on the Fall of Saigon. I just looked that book up and it was published in 1985. I remember picking it up in the Aardvark bookstore in San Francisco so the earliest I could have read it was 1991. Something like eighteen years later and I am still savoring the memory of reading it. That was a good read. That’s the magical thing about reading, isn’t it?

That and the little book pixies. They’re magical too. I’m not really into the book pixies, though. With their dust, and their little footprints. They put on a good show, and drive a librarian over the edge here and there, but to a monster they’re just more competition. Maybe someday they’ll surprise me.

I guess that I had high hopes for this anthology. I like my weird weird, and I like my dark dark, and my dark weird, and my weird dark, too. It’s like two great flavors that go great together. The book is split up into four parts. The first is a bunch of selections of early practitioners of new weird fiction. The second is new weird fiction from a younger crowd. The third is a long thread from an internet message board. And the fourth is a multi-author round-robin story that was commissioned for this book.

On the plus side anthologies tend to offer enough variety that there’s something for everyone, and there were some stories in this book that I found entertaining.

The Luck in the Head – M. John Harrison – Almost a cute nonsense story, except for the death, murder, and decay. As I read this I pictured it illustrated in an ’80s Heavy Metal Magazine. I liked it.

In the Cities the Hills – Clive Barker – A fine selection from his Books of Blood, but I have this feeling like it’s also his most reprinted selection.

Crossing into Cambodia – Michael Moorcock – Is it Isaac Babel who wrote a story where the only sane person in a band of troops was the person who should normally be the most evil, the intelligence officer? I know I’ve read something like that.

The Braining of Mother Lamprey – Simon D. Ings – Just plain weird. I actually wished this one was longer. The ending seemed much too abrupt.

The Neglected Garden – Kathe Koja – There must be better ways to exact revenge on a man.

A Soft Voice Whispers Nothing – Thomas Ligotti – I really liked this one. A man holds winter in his soul and assigns meaning to the ramblings of a doctor. I wish it had been further developed.

Jack – China Miéville – The are better ways to exact revenge on a man it seems.

Immolation – Jeffrey Thomas – Saw that one coming a mile away.

The Lizard of Ooze – Jay Lake – Would have made a good comic book. Not so hot as a short story.

Watson’s Boy – Brian Evenson – Annoying.

The Art of Dying – K. J. Bishop – Like some awful romance novel daydream but with death.

At Reparata – Jeffrey Ford – Entertaining satiric farce. Stupid in a good way and weird.

Letters from Tainaron – Leena Krohn – Italo Calvino’s novel Invisible Cities but the perfect length and about insect-like aliens. Awesome. Nice stomach-turning ending that you can’t think about too much.

The Ride of the Gabbleratchet – Steph Swainston – Another winner. A tour of improbable landscapes made to escape a monster that does not exactly exist.

The Gutter Sees the Light That Never Shines – Alistair Rennie – Very much a video game format story. Street fight. Street fight. Big Boss. A little humor. Another stomach-turning ending.

As mentioned above, the book ends in a round-robin story, Festival Lives, that I thought was extremely entertaining. It follows the adventures of a terrorist, a detective, and a factory worker caught in the machinations of two rival holy men in a weird other (maybe future) version of India. The different parts of the story are as follows:
Death in a Dirty Dhoti – Paul Di Filippo
Cornflowers Beside the Unuttered – Cat Rambo
All God’s Chillun Got Wings – Sarah Monette
Locust-Mind – Daniel Abraham
Constable Chalch and the Ten Thousand Heroes – Felix Gilman
Golden Lads All Must… – Hal Duncan
Forfend the Heavens’ Rending – Conrad Williams
Tangled in the Nets of the Gods – Paul Di Filippo

The round robin is finished online in a PDF that is available on Tachyon’s website.

Creepy Factor: 4 out of 5
Suspense Factor: 3 out of 5
Weird Erotic Tension Factor: 1 out of 5

Final result: Like any anthology, The New Weird has its ups and downs. There’s enough here that I would recommend it to fans of dark fantasy and dark science fiction, especially if you like anthologies. Have you read this book? How did you like it? Do you enjoy anthologies in general? Let us know in the comments!

The New Weird – Ann & Jeff Vandermeer – Tachyon – 2008

View this book on Amazon

The flying monkeys let our technician out for a minute and he snuck away into the light of day. Thanks for your patience during this difficult transition.
I ated Tinkerbell.

Fhtagn Spoken Here.

... the attic, a vast raftered length lighted only by small blinking windows in the gable ends, and filled with a massed wreckage of chests, chairs, and spinning-wheels which infinite years of deposit had shrouded and festooned into monstrous and hellish shapes.
The Shunned House
H.P. Lovecraft




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