Tag Archive for 'teenagers'

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Book Review: The Beastly Bride edited by Ellen Datlow and Terri Windling

The Beastly Bride edited by Ellen Datlow and Terri WindlingSometimes I wonder what it would be like to be a changeling. For instance, as a changeling, one day you might find yourself getting all groovy with Nastasia Kinski. I can’t think of a whole more to say on the subject, except that when I heard about the book The Beastly Bride – Tales of the Animal People, I was pretty excited. I didn’t hesitate a moment and sent my rat army out to secure a copy.

As might be expected from the title, and my intro, The Beastly Bride is a collection of short stories about people who turn into animals, and vice-versa. You’ve got horse people, fish people, puma people, snake people and just about any other kind of people you can think of. Some of them don’t seem to mind mixing with the human race, others are perilous, and still others hide themselves completely. For the most part, the stories have a fairy-tale flavor, which would normally be a good thing, but in this case, the book is decidedly young-adult. That wouldn’t normally be a bad thing. I’ve reviewed a lot of young adult books here, but to me the stories lacked real heart and punch.

There was an exception here and there. For example, Shweta Narayan’s “Pishaach”, a story about Nagas, or snake people, seemed to me to be more about what it’s like to be a kid in reality. Also, “Island Lake” by E. Catherine Tobler stood out among the rest for being uncompromisingly mysterious and magical.

Creepy Factor: 2 out of 5
Suspense Factor: 2 out of 5
Weird Erotic Tension Factor: 1 out of 5
Funny and/or Strange Factor: 2 out of 5

Final result: I don’t know why I keep getting anthologies. They always seem to disappoint. I just can’t get engaged with the stories. There are some good stories here, but the whole is a little bit too after-school-special flavored for my blood.

The Beastly Bride edited by Ellen Datlow and Terri Windling – Viking Juvenile – 2010

Thanks for reading another one of my book reviews. See you next time!

Zombie Attack Southern Gothic: The Reapers are the Angels by Alden Bell

The Reapers are the Angels is a dark book about the end of the world, horrible awfulness, and shitty consequences. Have you heard the Nick Cave song titled The Carny? “No one saw the carny go.” Says the first line. It’s kind of about a murdered horse named Sorrow but kind of not. If you haven’t heard that song, but you’re reading this blog, then you’ve probably seen the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The original. You’ve seen that, right? There’s the scene where the hitchhiker cuts himself. Remember that? Have you read Savage Night by Jim Thompson? If you haven’t done any of these, then your assignment is to stop reading this NOW until you’ve done at least one. I’ll make it easy. Here’s a link to the The Carny on YouTube. These three are examples of dark, awful, shitty, horrific, rotten, base things that a mind might pick at occasionally, but that are probably best left alone. They contain equal parts cruel absurdity and rude meaningfulness.

When I first started The Reapers are the Angels, I groaned inwardly because at first glance the book seemed to be about Buffy the Vampire Slayer except that, instead of vampires, the world is populated with zombies. The protagonist is named Temple, and she is fifteen years old. You discover pretty early in the book that she is an unusually tough fifteen year old, considering that she can decapitate zombies or split their skulls with one stroke of a knife. To me, this ended up requiring a bit more disbelief than I could suspend, but I ended up getting used to the idea. The book is pretty violent, and as you probably expect from a zombie story, is unapologetically gory.

The setting is post-zombie-apocalypse Southern United States. The writing style is informal and has something of a Southern Gothic affectation. So you might think that you’re reading about Br’er Rabbit, or maybe some Flannery O’Connor. This is the second book I’ve read recently where the author has a very pronounced writing style. I liked that about this book. It’s got a flavor. It’s a brave book in that Bell has taken a lot of risks.

People should probably give this book a read, so I’m going to do my best to write about it without big spoilers. We find Temple on a deserted island in Florida. The Earth has been overrun by zombies. Seeing as how there are different kinds of zombies and different zombie infection scenarios, I’ll lay out the basics of zombies in The Reapers:

  • The dead rise and walk as long as they haven’t rotted completely away.
  • The zombies are the slow variety.
  • Killing zombies requires injuring their brains.
  • Zombies are hungry for humans, and thus like to bite them.
  • People who are bitten by zombies become zombies soon thereafter.
  • The zombie apocalypse in question started twenty five years before the start of the book.
  • Civilization as we know it ended under the assault and now the world is crawling with zombies.
  • Mankind has been reduced to huddling in heavily-guarded compounds, except for some few who roam and can defend themselves.
  • The most fun way to kill zombies is with a portable nail gun.

Temple grew up after the apocalypse and knows no other world. She never knew her parents (orphan alert!) and was raised and taught how to fight zombies by someone who wasn’t her uncle. She is haunted by the memory of someone who may or may not have been her brother, and who she doesn’t want to talk or think about. Temple is a wanderer. Not really knowing where she is going, she runs from a man who has sworn to kill her, and decides to deliver a developmentally challenged man to his family in Texas. Along the way, she makes some friends and some enemies, kills some zombies, and opens a can of whoop-ass on a pack of mutants who inject themselves with zombie pituitary distillate. That last part was a lot like a video game.

I know that I keep talking about Nick Cave, but those of you who might have read his novel And the Ass Saw the Angel will notice some similarities between the two:

  1. Both books are titled after passages in the Bible.
  2. Both are written in Southern Gothic style.
  3. The meat and potatoes of both books are the small miracles and black blunderings of an accursed life.
  4. At worst, both books get mired in the heavy molasses of their own seriousness.
  5. At best, both books are garish, morbid, dark, mysterious, and emotionally gripping.

Let’s see those numbers:

Creepy Factor: 4 out of 5
Suspense Factor: 3 out of 5
Weird Erotic Tension Factor: 2 out of 5
Funny and/or Strange Factor: 4 out of 5

Final result: In The Reapers are the Angels, Alden Bell manages to pull off an ambitious novel. My one main complaint was that I would have found it more believable if Temple had been in her twenties. I’m not kidding around when I say that two chapters in, I was sure that I was going to hate it. But in the end, I thought it was a good book. The Reapers has a compelling and suspenseful plot, emotional depth, plenty of creepy terror, some graphic gore, horrific apocalyptic tableaux, and a girl who had to grow up much too fast.

The Reapers are the Angels by Alden BellHolt Paperbacks2010

Thanks for reading another one of my book reviews, and thanks to Henry Holt and Co. for the review copy. See you next time!

Book Review: Ripley’s Believe it or Not! Enter if You Dare!

I had so much fun with the last book that the kind folks at Ripley’s Publishing sent me (see my review, here) that I was thrilled when they sent me another. I know that sometimes the world can get a monster down. Everywhere you turn, people are trying to tell you cute stories about their four year old son and something about ice cream cones. Or worse yet, about kittens or puppies. At times like these I find myself wishing for a little dose of the grotesque or awful. For example, a man who paints dead insects, who has done a series inspired by Michael Jackson. Yeah!!!

Thriller Grasshopper - Ripley's Enter if You Dare!

Or maybe you’d like to read about vampires. The book comes with a special fold-out section about vampires, and a large spread detailing vampire hunting kits.

Vampires - Ripley's Believe it or Not

I always love how with a story about Vlad the Impaler, publishers always include a grisly woodcut showing people impaled on poles. Speaking of impaling things, I didn’t know this, but there is a caterpillar in Australia known as a “Hatterpiller” that, when if sheds its skin, it saves the old head, and impales it on a spike that grows out of the top of its head. It wears them like hats. It keeps doing this as it sheds heads until it is wearing a series of mummified head shells on its head. Each head is a little smaller as it goes up. It’s like a Dr. Suess fashion gone ridiculously wrong. Australians have the craziest insects! Giant spiders. Bulldog ants. But I digress.

Ripley's Enter if You Dare - Vampire Hunting Kit

Here’s a vampire hunting kit. Anyways, like I said in my last review, these books are low on the attention span and high on the fascinating weirdness. I also admire Ripley’s for knowing their audience and going all out. The book is hardbound, with a garish purple and silver holographic foil cover, and a lenticular insert of a door opening with an amazed face behind it. It’s completely filled with photos. There are a few fold-out sections, including a life-sized photo of a 23.5 inch tall teenager. So if you want to have your picture taken with her, there’s no need to travel anywhere, just open up the book, and bam! you’re ready for a portrait.

Here is a list of the chapters:

  • Strange but True
  • Weird World
  • Animal Antics
  • Extreme Sports
  • Body Oddity
  • Travel Tales
  • Incredible Feats
  • Bizarre Mysteries
  • Fantastic Food
  • Artistic License
  • Amazing Science
  • Beyond Belief

So once again, you’ve got everything from chocolate covered insects, to animals with multiple heads, to giant ovarian cysts, to mummified nuns in chapels, to giant hair sculptures, and more and more and more.

Creepy Factor: 4 out of 5
Suspense Factor: 0 out of 5
Weird Erotic Tension Factor: 0 out of 5 (it’s family friendly)
Funny and/or Strange Factor: 5 out of 5

Final result: My dentist refused to replace his dreadful Taschen book of modern architecture with the other Ripley’s book. I really wish that I could talk him into putting one of these in the waiting room. I would give him mine for some more gas now and again, although it would be painful for me to part with it. For me, Ripley’s is the perfect place to catch up on my reading about sword swallowers, fire eaters, and pears which grow in the shape of smiling Buddhas.

Ripley’s Believe It or Not! Seeing is Believing – Ripley Publishing – 2009
Ripley’s Believe It or Not! Enter If You Dare! on Amazon

Many thanks to Ripley Books for sending me this book to review. (See my disclosure policy.) Thanks for reading another one of my book reviews. See you next time!

Book Review: Left Hand of God by Paul Hoffman

The Left Hand of God by Paul HoffmanLet’s talk about orphans and fiction. The Guardian UK recently put together a list called “10 of the Best: Heroes from Children’s Fiction“. A full 4 of them (almost half) are orphans or were abandoned by their parents. Shockingly, this list excludes Harry Potter, an orphan whose franchise has become the tenth largest economy in the world. Here are three books I’ve reviewed on this site whose protagonists are orphans or abandoned children: Green by Jay Lake, Foundling by D.M. Cornish, and Four and Twenty Blackbirds by Cherie Priest. As you can see from these statistics, it’s a good thing that there are evil fairy godmothers, witches who live in candy houses, and diabolical evil wizards to keep these orphans down, because otherwise they would be kicking our butts out of the world.

By now you’ve probably guessed that the protagonist of The Left Hand of God is an orphan or abandoned child. If you’re hip to the standard orphan plot, you’ll be able to guess that the protagonist is “special” somehow, and is more than likely suffering at the hands of some adults. In this case, our hero is fourteen year old Thomas Cale, who has been raised in an appallingly violent environment while being trained to be a soldier by a group of militant religious fanatics.

The world Thomas Cale discovers when he and his friends escape their cruel tutors is very much like an alternative medieval Europe. The book itself is very firmly in the fantasy genre, and I would say is really properly a young adult book. It is also, I should mention, the first in a series.

I thought that the first half of the book was rather interesting, but vague disappointment set in rather quickly after that. There is a mysterious lack of emotional depth in Left Hand of God. All foreshadowing proves to be superfluous. Bad decisions lack consequences. Like many novels being published now, there is almost no sex and plenty of descriptive, explicit violence.

Creepy Factor: 1 out of 5
Suspense Factor: 3 out of 5
Weird Erotic Tension Factor: 0 out of 5
Funny and/or Strange Factor: 1 out of 5

Final result: Because of its choice of subject matter, this book is entering a crowded field, and to me it compares poorly to some others that I named above. If you told me you really liked this book, I would be able to relate. But I thought it wasn’t so hot.

The Left Hand of God by Paul Hoffman – Dutton Adult – 2010
Buy The Left Hand of God now at Amazon

Thanks for reading another one of my book reviews, and thanks to Penguin Books for the review copy. See you next time!

Book Review: Experiments at 3 Billion AM by Alexander Zelenyj

Experiments at 3 Billion A.M.Imagine you have found yourself in a world where everything that happens to people is really a mirror of their psyche. Their inner cravings, desires, fears and dreams are projected upon the surrounding landscape, and before you know it, reality seems to shift and becomes as elusive as a mood. If this really happened, it would look a lot like the writing of Alexander Zelenyj. We would experience a day AS IF there were invaders from Mars, but in reality, it would be something in between a hallucination and a daydream, populated by homunculi of our more cranky neurosis. (Yes I said it: cranky. You have some cranky neurosis. Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.)

I was immediately entranced with this book. The writing is excellent. The images are compelling. The titles alone are fascinating (for example: The Snow Robins Fly Between Heaven and Hell). The book begins with a beautiful story about an old man who makes a disturbing and/or wonderful discovery one day in his potato garden, and earns a new appreciation for life. I don’t really know what genre I would put the book in, but I’m leaning toward Science Fiction. More on that later.

The book features very fitting, whimsical illustrations by David Rix. I wanted to let this go, but I couldn’t make myself: The otherwise excellent cover design and illustration is marred by poor font choices committed on the front cover, which makes it appear that the book design was done by someone who isn’t a designer. OK *whew* I don’t usually like to judge a book by its cover, but in a case like this, something needed to be said. Back to the writing.

The writing is pared down to the essentials. The stories reminded me of Ray Bradbury in that everything is psychological, and they especially reminded me of his short story, The Veldt. Another author who comes to mind is Phillip K. Dick, because much of the time it’s hard to tell what is real and what is the product of a character’s addled perceptions. Also Dick because many of the proceedings are melancholy and sometimes horrifyingly ugly.

Of course these are all comparisons. After falling in love with the book initially, I got bogged down by a few factors. Number one, it’s a collection of short stories, so the involvement to investment ratio isn’t the same as a novel, and the book weighs in at a whopping 658 pages with, like, a bazillion stories. I also ended up disillusioned by the fact that so much of what goes on might just be in someone’s head. I think the best example of this would be the story Waiting for the New Reign of the Fire Ants, where there might be an alien invasion going on OR it might all be in the imagination of the protagonist. This was a story that could have been turned into something much more haunting by adding just a little more information that would tip it either one direction or the other. In the end you’re left with a man who cannot get past events from his childhood that may or may not have happened the way he perceived them.

Reading these stories, I ended up thinking of old school Science Fiction. Not world-building, epic, or heroic Science Fiction, but the more painful, personal, oh-my-god-what-have-we-done Science Fiction that began when Mary Shelley set down Frankenstein and continued with the likes of Bradbury, Dick, and even Vonnegut.

Creepy Factor: 2 out of 5
Suspense Factor: 2 out of 5
Weird Erotic Tension Factor: 1 out of 5
Funny and/or Strange Factor: 3 out of 5

Final result: This is not horror fiction, so the numbers above aren’t kind. I would recommend checking this book out. These stories are very imaginative and would stand out as excellent when placed in anthologies with works by other authors. Found all in one place, they begin to melt together and lose their power. At the very least, the next time you run across something by Alexander Zelenyj, you should stop and check it out.

Experiments at 3 Billion AM by Alexander Zelenyj – Eibonvale Press – 2009
Experiments at 3 Billion A.M. on Amazon

Many thanks to Eibonvale Press for sending me this book to review. (See my disclosure policy.) Thanks for reading another one of my book reviews. See you next time!

The flying monkeys let our technician out for a minute and he snuck away into the light of day. Thanks for your patience during this difficult transition.
I ated Tinkerbell.

Fhtagn Spoken Here.

... the attic, a vast raftered length lighted only by small blinking windows in the gable ends, and filled with a massed wreckage of chests, chairs, and spinning-wheels which infinite years of deposit had shrouded and festooned into monstrous and hellish shapes.
The Shunned House
H.P. Lovecraft




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