Archive for the 'Monster Alphabet' Category

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Monster Alphabet: C is for Crow Robot

Now this is exactly what I’m talking about today when I say that the world is going to hell in a handbasket. What these kids today lack is IMAGINATION. Somebody goes to the trouble of making a crowbot, but all it really does is talk to crows. Here are some ideas:

  1. Make a crow robot army. Preferably one whose members are capable of flight. And with cruel-looking talons.
  2. Make a crowbot that can gather and command a crow army.
  3. Build a crowbot that visits mad, doomed artists, or orphans and menaces them silently from trees, or something like a sculptured bust above a chamber door.

The person who made this does get extra points for making it cool looking. And I love the hat. I would wear a hat like that. Click here for the hat: Gizmodo.

Posted March 2, 2010 at 6:05 pm in Monster Alphabet with Tags: , , , . See 0 Comments

Monster Alphabet: F is for Fairy

Today’s Monster Alphabet is brought you by Thumbelina Fairy Barbie.

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Posted November 9, 2009 at 2:15 am in Monster Alphabet and Uncategorized with Tags: , . See 0 Comments

Monster Alphabet: M is for Mermaid 3

Mermaid Sculpture 3

Mermaid Sculpture 2

Mermaid Sculpture 1

Some fairy tale mermaid apologists have tried to characterize the homicidal tendencies of mermaids as simple forgetfulness. The mermaids attract the humans and then “forget” that they can’t breathe underwater as they pull them down into the murky depths. Look at this mermaid. Does she look forgetful?

This is M is for Mermaid 3. Click here for M is for Mermaid 1 and M is for Mermaid 2.

Posted September 30, 2009 at 2:49 am in Monster Alphabet with Tags: , , , , . See 0 Comments

Monster Alphabet: O is for Ominous Furniture

Monster Furniture

The dark night of your stay in the curious old hotel is punctuated by the faint sound of sneaking back and forth outside your door. The carpet barely muffles the floorboards in this place but no new visitors clomp down the hall. But are you imagining the sound of small feet? Or brushing tails? The hint of a purr? Sometimes mewing or a screech is heard as if some cats were having a brief argument down the hall. Something about the sounds make you think they are either too big or too small, or maybe both. But that could only be the acoustics of the tall ceilings in this ancient structure, or an overactive imagination. You bury your head under your pillow and resolve to bring your stay here to an end tomorrow.

In the morning you wake to find the sun streaming through the windows of your room and laugh at your foolishness the evening before. As you exit your room, this ominous piece of furniture greets you in the hallway and you can’t help but wonder if there are crafty animals under the cover. Did it just move?

Happy Birthday to Me

It’s my birthday. Of course I can’t tell you how old I am, or the agents will visit again and remind me to be discreet. In honor of my birthday, however, I have decided give you a present. I wrote you a story about Ominous Furniture. Happy Birthday to me!

More Monster Alphabet.

Confidential to Secret Admirer: Buy Two 750s For Me Please Sweetheart.

Posted August 13, 2009 at 2:38 pm in Monster Alphabet and Uncategorized with Tags: , , , , . See 1 Comment

Monster Alphabet: M is for Mermaid 2

Mermaid Chalk Drawing

As you can see from this found chalk drawing, mermaids are deeply ingrained in the human psyche. Some might say that mermaids are merely the mythologized representation of an attractive young lady who ensnares the adventurous young man with her charms but then turns out to be a monster (or worse) and “devours” him. Or something. But we know better!

Here she is seen wearing opera gloves and making shadow hand puppets. I’m shocked to find this in a child’s drawing because shadow puppetry is one of the favorite pastimes of mermaids and humans are unaware of it. Mostly because mermaids tend to be fatal to them.

Contrary to much popular thought on the matter, there are no mermen.

Being a monster, I am immune to the siren song of the mermaid. To those of us unaffected by its magic, mermaid singing sounds like a school bus full of children being fed through a giant wood chipper: All rending steel and blaring, off-pitched nonsense vocalizing as if from a hundred mouths. Look back at the picture and imagine that.

This is M is for Mermaid number 2. Click here for M is for Mermaid number 1. More Monster Alphabet.

Posted August 11, 2009 at 2:18 am in Monster Alphabet with Tags: , , , , , . See 0 Comments
The flying monkeys let our technician out for a minute and he snuck away into the light of day. Thanks for your patience during this difficult transition.
I ated Tinkerbell.

Fhtagn Spoken Here.

... the attic, a vast raftered length lighted only by small blinking windows in the gable ends, and filled with a massed wreckage of chests, chairs, and spinning-wheels which infinite years of deposit had shrouded and festooned into monstrous and hellish shapes.
The Shunned House
H.P. Lovecraft
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