This week’s Weekly Geeks topic is travel around the world. Before I can even get into the topic, a little discussion is necessary. You see, traveling is especially complicated for monsters. Yes. Yes. Regular readers are saying “But you keep talking about all these underground tunnels and secret passageways that go from attic to attic through thin air. What about those?” And you’re perfectly correct. Some monsters are fortunate enough to have a secret tunnel or a relative in a country they’re interested in and can make such arrangements. For other monsters, however, things are more complicated. Let’s go through the basics.
Travel for Monsters
World travel has never been very straight-forward for monsters. Although monsters of all kinds enjoyed more freedom and ease of travel during the 20th Century, things have been getting more difficult. Let’s look at the most common forms of transport.
Prohibitions Against Transporting Evil Over Moving Water: Among trivia about monsters, this isn’t one of the more popularly known facts, but almost all forms of evil and many kinds of monster cannot safely pass over moving water. In the case of evil, there aren’t really many options available, especially for really really ridiculously bad forms of evil. However, restrictions aren’t as harsh for monsters, and many monsters who are affected can apply for a temporary exemption.
Airplane Travel: In case you haven’t noticed, recently it’s become harder and harder to get onto an airplane, especially for beings that are so hideous they have to wear a mask in public, or things with multiple arms or tentacles. Monsters with sharp appendages over three inches long can forget it. In fact, air travel is no longer an option for all but a few lucky monsters who possess ID and can pass for human through a metal detector, airline customer service counter (without eating anyone, mind you) and for however long the flight is. Monsters with stinky food or who need fluids to feed on should eat just before their flight.
Unscrupulous Shipping Companies and Ship Captains: The difficulty with air flights leads us to what is unfortunately the most common avenue left to most monsters today, and that is being smuggled abroad on a ship. While it can be dangerous, there are hidden perks. While such luminaries as Dracula traveled with his rats in a crate in the ship’s hold, today’s smuggled monster should consider paying extra for a nook with a window. Beware: When dealing with unscrupulous shippers, it’s easy to get stranded in the country of your destination. Never pay the full round-trip fee up front! Finally, be sure to pack enough to eat because sailors have a long and storied history of killing monsters who decide to eat them.
Travel by Giant Flying Creature, Magic, or Giant Sea Monster: This more traditional mode of transport has been gaining in popularity of late, but is extremely dangerous. Travelers should be wary of any larger monster offering suspiciously low discount fares. Unfortunately some huge monsters advertise in order to secure meals. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. With giant ocean-going beasts, in most cases you will have to trust that the monster will disgorge you at your destination, and it is much harder to secure round trips. As for magic, it is usually either available via Faeries and thus ridiculously complicated and/or dangerous, or it involves some magical instrument such as a flying carpet or broom. These last two are agonizingly slow for world travel.
Travel by Sea Monster is Often Uncomfortable
Where in World I Have Been
Personally, besides two horrifying trips to the Land of Faery (don’t ask) and a very brief stay in Hell, I have managed to make it to Japan, and Bali, Indonesia. Japan, of course, has famous monsters and a long tradition of ghost stories. The best known author of the subject is Lafcadio Hearn, who collected many Japanese folk takes and preserved them in English during the late 19th Century. Some of his stories were later turned into film, most notably in Masaki Kobayashi’s Kwaidan.
(Lafcadio Hearn
The one thing you notice immediately about Japanese ghost stories is that the Japanese have taken revenge from beyond the grave to a whole new level. Sure there are plenty of instances of old hags who murder children to supply deranged noblemen with fresh blood. What is remarkable, however, is that even the slightest deviation from the norm or even the tiniest social error can result in death, disaster, or losing one’s ears. To an American monster, it almost seems as if Japanese monsters and ghosts have been assigned the task of not only defending the country from giant moths, but also enforcing their social mores and taboos.
A Sorrowful Ghost Fulfilling Her Social Obligation
While I was in Japan I got the opportunity to ask some of my hosts if that was the case. Most of them gave the sort of answers you might expect. They said that back in the old days, enforcing social taboos and mores was The Way Things Were Done. They also said that there are more traditional monsters and ghosts who still follow the old ways. So, for instance, the ghost of a maid might still choose to haunt a cruel man who threw her down a well because of a misunderstanding over a missing dish. In other cases, however, many of the younger monsters and ghosts are more free-spirited, and might choose to haunt or horrify just because they feel like it.
While we’re on the subject of Japanese monsters, don’t forget to visit the blog of my friend Jerom, who has designed some Japanese monster papercraft. Here are a few examples: Phantom Samurai – Karakasa – Namahage.
Well, that’s it for today. I hope this information proves useful to any other monsters out there who are thinking about taking a trip abroad. You should do it if you can. It may be a lot of trouble, but it’s totally worth it. Thanks for stopping by! See you next time.
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